DO NO HARM

This is the only thing I could remember from my ethics class in my counseling master program.

At that time, I did not really understand why this has to be put at the first priority when it comes to the ethics of counseling. What in my mind was that I am a counselor so of course I am here to help people rather than hurt people. Yet, sometimes psychotherapy might painful because we have to look at the wound and clean it before it could be recovered, just like our physical injuries, which I did not see as intentional harm.

I have been really into the Group Relations Conference since the first time attending the one hosted by my school. I remember it to be eye-open but also somehow violent. Some attendees got hurt mentally and some might be traumatized because of the extreme intensity of emotionality and irrationality. One of my cohort said that she refused to be fully part of the conference because she did not get it. "WHY PEOPLE HURT EACH OTHER FOR THIS TYPE OF LEARNING?"

In my understanding, some people hurt other people because of the limited resources of time and space in the conference and people get too anxious to function rationally while some might do harm purposefully for fun or for experiment. I would not want to say those who hurt people purposefully are bad guys. They might just be too regressed to behave like a responsible adult. Even in the real life, some people cannot make decisions with the responsibility to bear the consequences.

This is the key reason for me to continue the journey to explore the Group Relations Conference. I want to find out the key moment or solutions or whatever to get the rationality part back. I want to experience the group dynamics more to learn how to manage the unpredictable collective unconsciousness. I see it as the key to create a real society of citizens when everyone can claim their own authority and make responsible decisions for some greater good. When we can own our own leadership, we begin to have the courage to see the differences between us, which becomes not as threatening as before anymore. Our survival anxiety might still be there but we can also trust each other for survival when we know we are all on the same ship towards the future or whatever it is.

It is always complex trying to work on multiple topics at the same time. The emotionality might eat you up that you lost your clear mind. Yet, if we can all recognize that we are all facing the same fear, isn't it the best bonding to hold all of us together to conquer the fear? We don't have to kill each other for the solo survival. We can all survive with the balanced and distributed resources if  we develop the capacity to care other people.

Above is like my dream and my ultimate goal to see this falling-apart world come together again if there was one before or maybe it never does. One thing I have known for a long time is that knowledge serves as a double-edged sword for me. It gives me the power but also the suffering. Another thing I have been slowly learning is that my own expectations on my companions, usually knowledgeables, bring even more devastating disappointment to me. Based on the belief in the empowerment and enlightenment of knowledge, I almost cannot bear the possibility that some educated might still be unable to get the core meaning of it. This is my own issue to work on though.

I know it takes time and experience to have a real change or I would not study psychodynamics. Yet, part of me is still eager to find out the solution and figure out the action plan to change the situation right away. Thus, I am writing this journal to stop myself doing or even just thinking about this. Action without thought is foolish rather than brave.

One friend of mine has been curiously inquiring about the unique role on me serving as a bridge because of the tricky and unique position of my culture, my country, and my identity. I unconsciously avoided the topic for several times because I could not think of any possible answer to it. I might be anything that you could count me in every subcategory. At the same time, I can be rootless and nothing to each of you. Because I am never the same. I am always trying to be the different.